No they aren't normal, but...

 A year has passed and I've not done any blogging whatsoever concerning the kids. It's not that I can say that I've been SO busy that I haven't had the time.. If I really think about it, I think it's been more of an avoidance. Avoidance of the reality that there is something not normal about Morgan and Makayla.

 It has been 1.5 years since the kiddos were diagnosed Autistic, with Asperger Syndrome to be specific. Before they were diagnosed, I thought that Morgan had such a terrible temper at times.. that he was extremely OCD and that he was just not paying attention or trying very hard when it came to school and other little things. With Makayla, I always thought that she was just really obnoxious. True, ha ha. She was an A student, did have some problems with getting along with kids her own age, but on the whole..she was just a girl that drove me crazy.

 Now that they've had the diagnosis' they have had ABA therapies and seem to have the victim mentality. Any time I have been upset that they are not behaving appropriately I hear "I can't help it" from Makayla and "Why do you want me to be like everybody else" (like that has anything at all to do with it) from Morgan. I thought therapy was supposed to "make things better" not create more issues. :( They behaved so much better before we started the therapy.

  Maybe it's just me? Maybe I have more of a problem with accepting that these challenges are not something I can just say, 'stop doing that' and expect it to be done. I have taken the advice and backed off from the discipline they've had since they were born in the attempt of being "more understanding" and I BELIEVE that it has been some of the worst advice I ever took. Yes, I need to be understanding, but they need to have the discipline in place so that they learn what is not acceptable has consequences. Without this knowledge, school, work, relationships all will be more stressful.

 Morgan and Makayla are so smart and I love them more than words can say. The things that they DO know, how they experiment and try things in different, surprising ways always keep me on my toes and surprisingly proud. They bring laughter and joy to my life even through the drama. Granted I see the joy and sometimes have the laughter LONG after the drama has passed, but that's okay. No, my children will never fit societies idea of "normal", but I don't think I would want them any other way.

A little patience would be nice

Today has been one of those days where I am certain I gained more than just a few grey hairs.I try every day to be able to accept my children for being who they are, yet it seems that I end up trying to make them into who I want them to be.

Morgan shows us every day how much we mean to him by cleaning up the house. By trying to "take charge". The only issue with this is, he is NOT in charge. When he is told that he needs to remember that he is not the one to make decisions, that he is not the one in charge of his siblings, he gets irate and goes into meltdown.

Makayla, I think, believes that she is invisible on many days and probably with good reason. I'm sure that it seems like our focus is constantly on Morgan's attitudes, outbursts and aggressiveness. That we seldom and unintentionally, fail to acknowledge the good that she is doing.

I'm in the process of reading numerous books on Autism and Asperger's Syndrome, just so I have a better understanding on how Morgan and Makayla think, why they respond the way they do and how to properly handle each situation. Every chapter I've read,now has highlighted sections so that when Dave gets home I can say, "Look, here's a great suggestion that we can use" or "Maybe we should try doing this instead of reacting like that".

I feel so completely overwhelmed at times. I have said I can't do this. I'll cry, I'll feel sorry for myself and then I start thinking about everything that these kids go through everyday and feel ashamed that I ever thought or felt so poorly.

Morgan should be starting ABA therapy this coming week (I hope and PRAY). He has started guidance counseling, so they will be monitoring his meds. He has his neurology appointment coming up this month and hopefully, HOPEFULLY we will find out that he does not need surgery.

Makayla should be getting her IEP evaluations in place around the second week of April, just after they get back from spring break. (I sent out emails to everyone in the school district from the super all the way down to the psychologist and teachers. There is no reason that Makayla should have not been considered no matter what the last school district failed to do.) As soon as her IEP is started she will be able to get her ABA therapy started.

When these programs are put in place I truly believe that life at home will be much calmer, maybe not immediately, but eventually. In the meantime, a little patience.. faith.. and trust, (a little pixie dust would be nice), is what we need to make it through the days to come. Maybe a little more than a little...